My Soul’s Saul

Recently, I had just read the book of first Samuel. The story about Saul caught my attention. You know, Israelites are hard people. They are actually God’s chosen people but they repeatedly turn their heart to other gods while (the true) God’s mercy is always upon them.

One time, Israelites asked a king from the prophet Samuel. They want to have a ruler like other nation. To just their request, they reasoned that Samuel’s sons are unjust unlike Samuel so they distrust prophets (and family, maybe) anymore to guide them.

In response God talked to the unpleased prophet.

“Heed the voice of the people in all that they say to you; for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me, that I should not reign over them..”

In addition, through Samuel God warned the Israelites that having a king cost them much. They should give themselves to serve the king, they should offer their land to become the king’s, they can be a wicked nation if their king later disobey God, and so on. Even, it was prophecied that there will be a day when they cried out because of their chosen king and God will not hear. Scaring, isn’t it?

Still, all that the Israelites wanted is a king!

There they were, Samuel obey God’s command to anointed Saul as a king. He was handsome, tall, and mighty. What a candidate! The Israelites could not ask more!

In instance, God’s spirit was rest upon Saul. He looked religious. But then, at some point, Saul disobeyed God. He did not find God, but trust in his strength. By his grief, he possesed an evil spirit.

At some point, I reflect to myself when reading this story.

I once prayed for a man to stay by my side, to become my best friend, to help me get through my “valley”, just like the others. God warned me what was it cost to have such a companion. I said, “It is ok, dear God. I really need one. Please.”

He then really gave me one. Exactly like what I asked Him. He is my “handsome, tall, and mighty” Saul. He was my best friend, a trusted companion, a wise counselor. But I forgot, many times, that this Saul was actually came from God. I was grateful for the gift, but not for the Giver.

One problem to another came. I was wondering whether he is actually from God or not. If he really came from God, the Father of good and perfection, this companionship should be well in every ways.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. – James

There I was, an Israelite, asking for my helper, my counselor, my king, my Saul. I have just realized that actually I was rejecting my God, my true Helper, my true Counselor, my true King by asking my soul’s Saul.

My Saul is not a bad person, really. I know He really came from God despite the flaws. I truly got happier, stronger, and better by his company. I know God was working through him.

Not only by the companionship, but also by the parting.. I see God is working in every way.. to love me.

Although He knows I will not be in my best place of life with the companionship, He still gave me my soul’s Saul for He hears every prayers. Although it is my will to ask for a Saul, He still made me growing with him for He cares for me and him.

When I cried through the hards I cause myself, He still showed me the way for He provides every needs. Even through this parting, He still here beside me and him for He promised to always gives His sons and daughters strength to follow His words.

Oh yeah, couple days before, I prayed to God asking what/who is my soul’s idol.. my soul’s Saul. He answers it.

So, who is your soul’s Saul?


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